Resistance proved futile -- Alternative Lies has been dragged kicking and screaming -- much like Dr. David Dao from that United flight -- into the Twitter era. Encouraged by more tech savvy friends we now have a twitter account and will be announcing our posts there as well an on that ancient technology Facebook. We … Continue reading AL Tweets!
Very tempting -- Research by the statistical team here at Alternative Lies reveals that sexual harassment can pay more than 250 times as much as teachers earn -- even for teaching sex ed. Also, that much more than police officers, fire fighters, dental hygienists, plumbers, newspaper reporters, haberdashers, glovers, manicurists, seamstresses or seamsters, teamsters, restaurateurs, … Continue reading Twenty Five Million Bucks!
O'Reilly keeps plugging -- Bill O'Reilly, soon to be former host of "The O'Reilly Factor" on Fox News, has announced that he is beginning work on a new book to be called Killing Rupert Murdoch. Based on a template that yielded the best sellers, Killing Lincoln, Killing Kennedy, and Killing Jesus, this one differs in … Continue reading Killing Rupert
Signings of many things needing to be signed -- Today President-for-now Trump held a signing ceremony at the Tools-R-Us plant in Oshkosh B'gosh, Wisconsin. "We are tools!" the President declared. "We will end the theft of American prosperity by people who are not as prosperous as American people." He then signed an order overhauling the H1B … Continue reading Trump Signs Things
White House in the dark -- The White House was plunged into darkness and near terror yesterday when all the lights went out. It was the result of a perfect storm of missing officials: The president-for-now had not nominated a director for the National Park Service which is in charge of maintaining the White House. There … Continue reading Unfulfilled
The more they remained the same -- Fortunately for Alternative Lies, the White House has no shortage of disgruntled staffers ready to leak. Today three separate staffers came forward with the same story about a meeting with Jared Kushner. They all claim to have been in the meeting which took place between Kushner and a … Continue reading The More Things Change
Press Secretary helps United Airlines -- Two disgruntled White House staffers contacted Alternative Lies this morning with copies of a recorded conversation between Oscar Muñoz, United Airlines CEO, and Sean Spicer. Here are excerpts. Muñoz: What about free travel within the continental US? Spicer: Just for screwing up at the press conference tonight? M: Not … Continue reading Spicer Confusion
Cites tariff -- United Airlines ejected a passenger Sunday from flight 532 from Chicago to Boston because of "belligerence." The Airbus A320 was forty miles from Boston's Logan Airport when the fuel warning sounded. The pilots determined that ejecting one passenger of at least 150 pounds would allow them to make it to the runway. … Continue reading United Ejects Passenger
Is Us? -- If we're lucky, you've noticed that we've been on hiatus for a couple of weeks. Here are a few potential excuses - It's all too fucking depressing to be funny. This would be a great excuse, except it's been true since we started this blog. Our post listing all the jobs Jared … Continue reading Hiatus R Us