It’s Worse

Secrets of the health care bill —

Two members of our corps of disgruntled staffers have seen the detailed Secret Republican Healthcare Bill (SRHB 1) and offer this glimpse:

The bill:

  • Bans anesthetics for Medicaid patients and for Medicare patients over 90.
  • Institutes Life Panels – death panels, except that they’re called “life panels.”
  • Declares war on opioids with harsh sentences for anyone who survives an overdose.
  • Doubles the premiums for families earning less than six figures.
  • Halves the premiums for families earning more than six figures.
  • Gives free coverage to the one percent.
  • Does not pay for abortions but allows women to seek them in The Netherlands.
  • Uses a casino model to decide who receives donated body parts (after the one percent have what they need.)
  • Allows insurance companies to take into account post-existing conditions.
  • Throws 39 million people (a number equivalent to the population of California) and 6.8 million (a number equivalent to the population of Massachusetts) off the insurance rolls — because California and Massachusetts.
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2 thoughts on “It’s Worse

  1. This is not entirely true. The ban on anesthetics for medicare and medicaid patients is for anyone under 90 and only in non-life threatening situations. Get your facts right!

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  2. This just in: Secret Republican Health Care Bill has been “tweaked” (SRHB 2) to gain more wide-spread support among the 12 white Christian men working on it behind closed doors. New provisions include:

    1. A Wellness Plan available to anyone thrown off the ACA exchanges. The Wellness Plan includes being taken by Paul Ryan to an unfamiliar forest, and left on your own to learn to forage for plants to heal your disease.

    2. A ban on so-called “herbal remedies,” which are not approved by the FDA, are not shown to cure illness, and may be harmful or fatal to poor people in the woods who are not experienced in. . . .wait. . . wait. . .this just in. . .all 12 white Christian men are in sudden agreement that poor people in the woods should be given every opportunity to fatally overdose on unfamiliar herbal “medicines.” Everyone else continues to be banned from using them.

    MItch McConnell is now exuberant at the chances of the “Re-peal” (as in peals of Republican laughter, over and over again) becoming the law of the land.

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